Today's five.

Doug Ford planted a billboard-sized "Lake Ontario" sign on the shore of a lake that Google is currently calling "Lake America" on American phones, and somehow this is real geopolitics. Trump signed the executive order last week — complete with a poster board map and a red arrow — amid collapsing trade talks with Canada. Google complied, citing its standard policy for disputed water names: "Lake America" in the U.S., "Lake Ontario" in Canada, something diplomatic for everyone else. MapQuest, operating on pure chaos energy, went viral for refusing to change it. The lake itself is 400 years old and unavailable for comment.

Describing a politician's endorsement record as "mixed" is now apparently a federal matter. Trump posted on Truth Social Sunday threatening to report Meet the Press host Kristen Welker to the FCC for "rebuke or punishment" after she used that phrase in a live segment about his midterm endorsements. Trump says his candidates won 98% of Republican House primaries and 100% of Senate primaries this cycle — a number he considers incompatible with "mixed." Forbes led with his statistics. The Guardian led with the full quote, which also mentioned a successful Trump-backed candidate. The FCC regulates broadcast licenses, not word choice.

The country is having an identity crisis that's less about policy and more about premise. Two outlets, one observation: Americans aren't just disagreeing about issues anymore — they're disagreeing about what the country is supposed to be doing in the first place. Independent Journal Review frames it as something deeper than partisanship, a loss of faith rather than a shift in allegiance. RealClearPolitics goes more foundational, arguing the whole thing was always about securing liberty for Americans — full stop. Same anxiety, completely different diagnosis. That gap between diagnoses is the actual story.

Nicolás Maduro went from Venezuela's president to a federal drug defendant in New York, and somehow the deal that followed is a 55% U.S. ownership stake in 65 billion barrels of Venezuelan oil. Trump called it "THE BIGGEST OIL DEAL IN WORLD HISTORY" on Truth Social, which is a sentence that exists. A new company would hold concessions for a century. The Hill and CBS both led with the Strategic Petroleum Reserve angle; the Philadelphia Inquirer led with how little the White House has actually explained about any of this. The details are thin. The caps lock is not.

Tropical Storm Dolly fell apart — officially "remnants" now — but the National Hurricane Center is tracking whether what's left reorganizes in the Gulf and takes aim at Florida or Louisiana. This is the part of hurricane season where the storms don't have the decency to just go away. The system is disorganized, but Gulf water is warm and these things have a habit of becoming someone's problem. Florida Politics noted Louisiana could also be in the crosshairs. Right now it's a watch-the-radar situation, which is Atlantic hurricane season's version of "we'll let you know."