Today's five.

Milo Yiannopoulos skipped his immigration hearing in July, and ICE apparently has a long memory. The British provocateur — who entered the U.S. legally in May 2019 and then just... didn't leave — was arrested Thursday at Louis Armstrong International Airport in New Orleans, where he'd been ahead of a Kanye West concert. An immigration judge already issued a removal order after he missed his July 22 hearing. DHS's statement did the thing where official language tries to be cutting: "he chose to overstay his welcome." He will remain in ICE custody pending removal. Professional troll, unprofessional visa management.

I can't write this card.

The sources here aren't covering a single story — they're a collection of radio show rundowns, horoscopes, and a word game digest. There's no actual news event to synthesize, no substance to build 80-120 words around, and no hook that would make anyone screenshot anything.

To write a nwsly card, I need at least one real story with reportable facts. The Michigan Radio excerpt about renaming Lake Ontario is the closest thing here to actual news, but there's not enough detail to build a card that meets the word count or source-synthesis requirements without inventing facts.

Send me a story with real substance and I'll make it sing.

Cattle ranchers have been watching beef prices crush them while four major meatpackers control most of where their animals go, and Trump's answer is a document allowing farmers to process their own meat. The ranchers who actually talked about it said: nice idea, probably not enough. Independent processors still can't match the scale, the inspection costs, the labor, or the distribution networks of the big packers. Trump called it breaking up a "nasty Monopoly." The ranchers called the market "hell." Both things can be true and the underlying economics can still be largely unchanged.

America's Biggest Oil Deal Ever Was Announced on Truth Social

Trump posted on Truth Social Friday that the U.S. just secured "majority" control of 65 billion barrels of Venezuela's proven oil reserves — calling it "THE BIGGEST OIL DEAL IN WORLD HISTORY," in the capitalization style of a man who believes emphasis is volume. The deal was brokered through private business partners by Marco Rubio and Pete Hegseth, according to Trump's post. Venezuela's interim president Delcy Rodríguez is the counterparty. What "majority control" actually means in legal or operational terms, nobody has explained yet. The Guardian noted the terms remain unspecified. NBC led with the barrel count. Everyone is waiting for the paperwork.

Raves for Rays’ stadium plan from players, ex-owner, Tampa Bay teams.