Today's five.

I can't write this card.

The sources here don't contain a cohesive news story — they're a crossword puzzle listing, a radio newscast rundown, an Ohio newsletter, and a Houston radio segment about Iran and oil. There's no single event with enough factual substance across these excerpts to build an honest 80-120 word card from.

Writing one anyway would mean inventing facts, which the grounding rules prohibit.

If you have a specific story you'd like covered — the Iran-Houston oil angle, the Benjamin Flowers Senate confirmation, the Camp Mystic bankruptcy, or anything else — send me sources with actual reporting and I'll write the card.

"Unifying yet vicious" is how the White House described Trump's speech, and honestly, that's the most accurate press secretary quote in recent memory. The rescheduled dinner — moved from April after a gunman charged a security checkpoint mid-event — landed at the Waldorf Astoria (formerly the Trump International Hotel, in case the symbolism wasn't loud enough) with fewer guests, no red carpet, and considerably more Secret Service. Trump roasted Democrats, reporters, celebrities, and RFK Jr., whose beef with the beef apparently extends to the cows themselves. The dinner that got shot at still happened. Washington, as always, finds a way.

The U.S. announced a nuclear deal with Saudi Arabia and then quietly changed the terms the next day, which is a unusual sequence for something described as a historic agreement. Trump said "nobody got out ahead" of him — a claim that landed alongside reports he was caught off guard by his own Secretary of State's announcement. The Dispatch noted his predecessors did better. The Hill focused on the walk-back. The Nation called it a fiasco. What everyone agrees on: the terms shifted within 24 hours. Whether that's flexibility or confusion depends entirely on who you ask.

Going from $53 million a year to $8 million is either the most zen thing a professional athlete has ever done or a very expensive way to avoid retirement. LeBron James, 41, signed with the Philadelphia 76ers on a two-year deal after strongly considering just... stopping. He says it's his "last decision" — the same energy as a final album tour that ends up having three legs. The Guardian noted this is his record 24th NBA season. The Review-Journal noted the pay cut. Philadelphia fans, historically, are not known for making anyone feel welcome. This should be interesting.

After a day of drama, Rays CEO Ken Babby is mending bridges in Tampa.